then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
