woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
