i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Randomize
