I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
