just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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