We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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