shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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