i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize