I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
