A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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