I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
ttyl tear gas
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
