Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
