There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
