i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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