That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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