SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
