Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Randomize