Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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