Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
