I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
