I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
