Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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