I just cut my nipple shaving
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize