Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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