I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
home. puking in laundry basket.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
