Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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