I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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