If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
This toilet bowl is my home.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize