Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
That's intense
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
