Who wears a wallet chain?!
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
