Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
