also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
