you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
