well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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