she smelled like a LAN party
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
