Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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