my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
