I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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