i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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