Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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