I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
