I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
