I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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