I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
