I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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