One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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