just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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