i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
