I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
