hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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