Having a random hookup so left but love u
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
