he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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