God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
