I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize