i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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