I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
