Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
