idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
