if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
