No stitches, just platelets and will power
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
