I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
