found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
