Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
