He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
