I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
