oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
