Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
