Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
