he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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