I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
