I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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