How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
as a side note pls kill me
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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