So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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