I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
