he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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