Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
