Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Pooping to opera.
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