4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
