I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize
