I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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