she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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